Here We Go Again

I can't believe I'm writing this, but we are officially starting IVF#2 this week.  I take my last BCP tonight and will start stims on Saturday (as long as everything goes as planned).  I can't really describe how I'm feeling about it.  Kind of indifferent?  Or maybe I'm just in denial that it's happening.  Maybe I'm pretending that it's not happening.  I don't know, but I feel very different from my first fresh IVF cycle.  I don't feel worried or stressed, which is great, but I think it's because I don't have high expectations anymore.  Honestly, I haven't really thought about this cycle much.  I've still been drinking alcohol and living my life as usual (although I'm not sure I have a "usual" anymore). 

Maybe I am feeling this way because my expectations are so low or maybe it's because I've been pretty content with my life (outside of infertility) lately.  Fields and I joined a couples group at church recently, I'm starting volunteering at Seton hospital through Junior League, and TX football just started back up.  I can't decide if I've learned that I really enjoy being involved in things or if it just keeps my mind off of depressing sh!t.  Who knows, but, either way, it's been good. 

I decided to go gluten free about two weeks ago after reading some articles about a link between gluten intolerance and endometriosis.  I know it all deals with the immune system and response, so I figured it couldn't hurt.  And it's also known that people who are gluten intolerant can be affected by infertility and miscarriage if they are still consuming gluten.   I already feel much better after going gluten free.  I have suffered from digestive/bowel (sorry, TMI) problems my entire life and I've already noticed a major difference.  So whether this helps my fertility, I plan to continue it.  I'm also taking a high dose of EPA/DHA, which I have always taken but discontinued with the start of my IVF cycles.  This time I plan to continue taking it throughout the cycle because there is some evidence that it helps the immune systems and decreases natural killer cell activity.  I'm also starting acupuncture again today.

Overall, I'm feeling pretty content and at peace with things right now.  I'm excited that fall is right around the corner because it's my favorite time of year.  I just hope I have something to celebrate this fall, otherwise the holidays are going to be really hard again.