The Big Day

Tomorrow is finally the day of my D&C.  My appointment with Dr. Mo is at 10:00 for the ultrasound.  He said he would do the D&C as long as the heart had stopped beating or the baby was measuring at least 2 weeks behind.  Fields and I talked about it, and we don't think we are comfortable going ahead with the D&C until the heart has stopped beating.  Therefore, I'm just praying that it has stopped by tomorrow morning so we can finally put an end to this.  I don't want to drag this out any longer.  I am already 9w1d today.  I have a feeling it will be stopped by this point since I'm already past 9 weeks. 

My surgery isn't scheduled until 2:00pm, which means I can't eat or drink anything before that.  That is going to be miserable.  I'm dreading the entire day.  Oh, and Fields tried to tell me that he wouldn't be able to go to the ultrasound appointment in the morning because of work.  Umm, I don't think so.  I know I'm already prepared to see a dead baby on the screen, but I still don't want to do it alone.  I was alone the first time, and it was awful.  He will be coming with me.  

I'm finally leaving Chicago today.  I'm so ready to go home.  The week here was fine, although I shared my hotel room and office with someone who is 8 months pregnant.  She is a good friend of mine and knows everything going on with me, but it still wasn't easy when people would come in the office and want to talk about pregnancy and babies all day long.  I tried to just tune out during that. 

We fly home this evening, surgery tomorrow, then back to work on Wednesday.  I wish I could just fast forward through this week.  Fields and I leave Friday for Carmel/Monterey which will be nice, although I kind of wish I just had a weekend to relax after all this crap going on.  It feels like I haven't been home in years and I miss my dog.