When am I going to catch a break?

Once again, I haven't written in a while, but things have only gotten worse.  I will give an update of the last 5-6 months in a nutshell.  I had the laparoscopy on November 12, where Stage 2-3 endometriosis was found and an endometrioma was removed from my left ovary.  I did a cycle of Femara + Bravelle + IUI....BFN.  In January, we did a cycle of Femara + Follistim + Timed Intercourse.  Doc didn't think we should do IUI because I had 4 mature follies and there is the risk of high order multiples.  Needless to say, BFN.  After that cycle, I was left with 3 cysts.  I started birth control pills to shrink the cysts, and after almost 2 months, 2 of the cysts were still there.  Barely budging.  We decided because of the time we lost due to cysts that we would go straight into an IVF cycle.  I didn't want to risk doing another IUI cycle just to be forced to take another 2 month break due to cysts.

Now for the IVF cycle.  With 60% success rates, and me being a mere 28 years old, we really thought this would be it for us and this nightmare would be over.  I started with about 6 weeks of birth control pills.  This period was longer than usual because we were still trying to shrink the cysts.  Then started the daily Lupron shots for 2 more weeks.  After that, I stimmed for 11 days.  We ended up with 8 mature eggs (pretty sucky for a 28 year old, but my left ovary has pretty much stopped working) and all 8 fertilized normally w/ ICSI.  We did a 5 day transfer of 2 "perfect" blasts.  The transfer was pretty emotional.  I cried laying on the table.  I just really felt like my babies were home.  My RE even said my embryos looked so great and the transfer went so smooth, and that in cases like mine, 9 times out of 10 the patient ends up pregnant.  Well, turns out I was the 1 out of 10 that didn't.  During the 1 week wait to find out if it worked, I had some type of horrible reaction.  I had fevers every night, which we think were due to the progesterone in oil shots.  I had a horrible reaction to these shots by the way.  I could barely walk the next day after taking the shots.  The pain was so bad.  I was ecstatic when after about 10 days of shots, my doctor switched me to Crinone.  The fevers did go away about 3 days after I switched.  I pray that the fevers were due to the PIO shots and not some type of immune reaction to the embryos.  About 10 days after the transfer, I got the official word from the doc that I was not pregnant.  It wasn't a shock though because I had already taken several home pregnancy tests. 

Now to the aftermath of a failed IVF.  No one can prepare you for the heartbreak, sadness, hopelessness that comes after.  And it only seems to be getting worse with each day that goes by.  I looked up depression after a failed IVF cycle, and apparently it's pretty normal.  That makes me feel better.  I just don't know how people get through this.  I feel like my life has come to and end.  All hope of ever having a child is gone.  I am struggling to figure out what my purpose will be in life if I can't have a child.  All my relationships with friends and family have taken a hit.  Every aspect of my life has been affected.  I feel guilty for putting my husband through all of this.  I know he probably daydreams about marrying someone fertile and being able to have the children he's always dreamed about.  Oh, and we've already spent over $20,000 on fertility treatments/testing, and that number is about to climb drastically and quickly.  So much for buying our dream home in 5 years like we had always planned.  We've talked about adoption and surrogacy too, but those come with price tags of $45,000 and $65,000+, respectively.  I pray every day for the Lord to give me strength and to bring me comfort during this time.