Another pregnancy announcement at work today. Everyday it's somebody new. I tried to hold back the tears at my desk. It seems like everyone around me is pregnant right now. Literally, every time I open Facebook, there's another announcement or ultrasound picture. I don't know why I even torture myself with it anymore.
Anyway, the hysteroscopy went fine yesterday. As suspected, they didn't find anything. People keep telling me how great that is, but I don't know how I feel about it. On one hand, I know it's good my uterus wasn't filled with a bunch of scar tissue, but, on the other hand, I was kind of hoping for an answer. Something they could have removed to "fix" me. I go for my follow up in a week to see all the pictures she took of the inside of my uterus. I feel like I need to see them for myself to believe that nothing is wrong, but that's just the control freak in me.
Speaking of my inner control freak, I met with Dr. Mo last week for our failed IVF consult and to establish a plan. He wanted to go straight into a frozen embryo transfer (FET) cycle, but there was no way I could do that and risk losing two more embryos (considering we only have 4 embryos on ice). I told him we need to do everything we can to ensure this next cycle works. I wanted to be as proactive and aggressive as possible. If this next cycle fails, I don't know what I will do. I really don't know how I will make it through that. The doctors don't think about the emotional or financial toll as much as the patients do. Plus, I told him this is our last shot at a baby. There's no money left for another fresh cycle. At least not right now. That's why there is a two month break before out next FET cycle in June. This is the plan we came up with. Some were my ideas and some were Dr. Mo's ideas. Hopefully, with all of this stuff we are changing/adding, something will make a difference.
1. The first thing I am doing is two months of Lupron Depot. This is a medication for endometriosis. I take one shot per month, and it puts my body into menopause. Some doctor believe that many people with endometriosis are missing the integrins in the uterine lining needed for implantation and that Lupron Depot will bring it back. It's kind of a controversial subject. Dr. Mo doesn't really believe in it, but I showed him some studies that he thought were pretty interesting so he said it's worth a shot. I took my first shot on April 8 and the side effects are starting to kick in. The hot flashes and night sweats are the worst. I'm not really sleeping at night anymore because of it. But it will all be worth it if it works.
2. The second thing we did was the hysteroscopy. This was Dr. Mo's suggestion. Even though it kind of feels like a waste of $700, I'm glad we did it. I probably always would have worried if we hadn't done it.
3. The third thing we will be doing is adding a medication called Lovenox starting the day of the embryo transfer. Lovenox is a blood thinner that will be given as a daily injection. If I get a positive pregnancy test, I will continue it through the first trimester. This is normally used for people with recurrent miscarriage and clotting disorders, but Dr. Mo said he gives it for unexplained IF, too. It's basically a "just in case" kind of thing since I've never been tested for all of the clotting disorders. From what I've read, it can help people with implantation failure, too.
4. The last thing I will be doing is IV intralipids. This is another controversial treatment, but studies have shown it reduces natural killer cells and the immune response. Basically, I'll go to an infusion center about a week before the transfer, and I'll sit there for an hour hooked up to an IV. The intralipids are just soy based fat stuff. I don't really know. More and more doctors now believe that endometriosis is associated with immune issues, and this is a common treatment (although still very new). It has replaced the much more expensive and dangerous treatment of IVIG, which is infusion of a blood product. If I get a positive pregnancy test, I will go for one more infusion. My doctor doesn't really believe in this, but he said it can't hurt and it's my money.
So, those are the 4 things that make up my plan. Every base is covered. Surely, one of them has to make a difference. I feel like this HAS to work, and if it doesn't, then I will know I did everything I could. I will also be taking the Dexamethasone and low-dose aspirin like last time. Right now it feels like June is so far away. I'm trying to fill up my weekends and stay busy so that time will go faster. It's really hard just being in this limbo right now.
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