April 26, 2011

I went for my post-op appointment this morning for my hysteroscopy.  She said my uterus was "beautiful" and "ready for a baby."  She also gave me the pictures that she took of the inside of my uterus.  Pretty gross looking.  I really like her.  There's something so comforting about her that when she tells me it will happen for me, I almost believe her.  When I was leaving she said she hopes to see me back this summer.  I hope so, too. 

Time seems to be going pretty quickly.  April is finally almost over, and I have been trying to fill up my calendar for the month of May.  I have an obsession with writing things in my Outlook calendar so that it looks really full.  It makes me feel better because I feel like time will go by faster the busier the calendar is.  I have something almost every weekend during May and work is keeping me very busy during the week, so June will be here before I know it. 

I'm starting to feel really hopeful about this FET.  I don't know if that's good or if it is just going to set me up for more heartbreak in the end.  One thing I do almost daily is I sit for hours googling and researching infertility treatments.  Well, one study I read last night showed that frozen embryo transfers are actually more successful in patients with endometriosis than fresh cycles.  Of course who knows if this study is legit, but I choose to believe it :). 

Today I've been googling "faith and infertility."  I hope to one day soon write a post about this subject, but I don't have the time or energy right now.  There is so much I could say, and, at the same time, there are so many unanswered questions.  Instead I will just post these lyrics to my favorite song right now.  It makes me cry every time it comes on the radio, but I love it. 

"Praise You In This Storm"

I was sure by now
God You would have reached down
And wiped our tears away
Stepped in and saved the day
But once again, I say "Amen", and it's still raining

As the thunder rolls
I barely hear Your whisper through the rain
"I'm with you"
And as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise the God who gives
And takes away

[Chorus:]
And I'll praise You in this storm
And I will lift my hands
For You are who You are
No matter where I am
And every tear I've cried
You hold in Your hand
You never left my side
And though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm

I remember when
I stumbled in the wind
You heard my cry to you
And you raised me up again
My strength is almost gone
How can I carry on
If I can't find You

But as the thunder rolls
I barely hear You whisper through the rain
"I'm with you"
And as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise the God who gives
And takes away

[Chorus]

I lift my eyes unto the hills
Where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord
The Maker of Heaven and Earth