Bad News Today :(

I called to get the results of my Day 21 progesterone draw today, and you could say I was more than disappointed with the results.  5.87 was the number, which is beyond low.  The minimum they like to see on an unmedicated cycle is 10, but 15-20 is more ideal.  And I'm at freakin' 5.87.  Basically, at this number, there is no way I can get pregnant. 

When I heard the results, I felt like I got hit with a ton of bricks.  My heart just sank.  I have wasted 6 cycles not knowing there was a big problem all along.  Also, of course now I feel responsible for my miscarriage.  Like my body killed my baby.  Dr. C, my old OB, never tested my progesterone levels during pregnancy.  I can't help think my baby could have been saved had she only tested my progesterone and put me on supplements.  However, Dr. C doesn't believe in prog supplements, but I digress.  My new OB told me at our first meeting that she will definitely test my prog if I get pregnant and put me on supplements. 

I closed my office door and cried.  Not only have I wasted all the time, but also there was likely nothing wrong with my baby.  My body may have killed my baby.  I can't think about this anymore.  All I can do is come up with a plan with Dr. M.  I should be seeing her next week on CD3.  My plan, and hopefully she agrees, will be to start the Clomid next cycle along with progesterone supplements after ovulation every cycle. 

Not only are fertility problems hard on an individual, but they are hard on a couple as well.  It seem so unfair that some marriages have to endure this while others don't.  Fields and I got into a big fight last night about everything.  I won't go into detail, but he felt bad today when he heard the news that there really is something wrong.  I think overall our struggles will bring us closer, but there are definitely bad days.  I also think when we do have a baby, we will appreciate it probably more than a lot of people ever do.